so explain again why im purple
no
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
