When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
