He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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