They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize