I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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