Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
