Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
