why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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