i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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