My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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