i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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