Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
