my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
