If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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