I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
