Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
