Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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