Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
