Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
