So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
