Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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