i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
