I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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