Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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