Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Randomize
