That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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