My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
