Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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