Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
