Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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