May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
