Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
