She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
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