she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
