It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
