He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
