that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
