I am puke
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
