is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
