matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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