Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Oh god it's open bar.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
