never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
