i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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