I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
try to milk me bitch
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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