im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
