I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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