Michael Bay diarrhea
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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