I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
