So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
