in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
