if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
