dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
