help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
