does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
