About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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