We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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