I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize