I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
