sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
