just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
