Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ttyl tear gas
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
