I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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