im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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