wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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