I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
