Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Two words: blizzard sex
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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