you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
