So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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