it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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