whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
